April 5, 2011 
Alex and I have attended six funerals between us in the last 12 months. That includes three grandparents, a great-aunt, a good friend’s father, and a classmate with whom I graduated high school. I detailed my grandfather’s passing in November and we’ve just today returned from Alex’s grandfather’s services.
I’m not sharing this to bum you out, ask for sympathy, or exploit loved ones for the sake of a blog post. It’s just that with each funeral I attend, I think more and more about my list. I think it’s natural for most people to think about their own lives, what they’ve done, what they’ve yet to accomplish, when attending a service that celebrates the passing of another.
My original reason for starting my list isn’t a noble one. In high school I was simply bored and knew I wanted a more interesting and exciting life than the one offered to me in a small town. This list stayed in the back of my mind but was shoved to the forefront shortly after I separated from my husband in 2005 and I found the 101 Things to Do Before You Die book by Richard Horne. At that point I felt like I needed a new beginning, a fresh start. Progressively since starting the blog in 2009, it’s been more about keeping me from being stagnant, my motivation for trying new things.
And this year, more and more, it’s taken a very literal meaning: things I want to do before I die. Life is truly so fleeting. Grandparents that lived full lives surrounded by loved ones is the ideal we all hope for but for two people this year, lives were ended far short of where they should have. There are no guarantees that tomorrow on my way to work I won’t be killed in a car accident. And the very least I can do is experience all that I can while I’m here.
So I apologize for this bummer of a post but I increasingly felt the need to talk about it. Hope you don’t mind.
Brilliant post, and I completely agree.
I hope the service was a good one.
Thank you for this post, Jessica. I’m sure it will make many readers wake up to their own lives.
I wish you my best
Jessica, I’m so sorry for the losses you and your family have experienced recently. Seeing the quick decline of my grandparents made me think the same way. Sending my good wishes to you guys.
I see lives cut short way too often. I spoke to a father of a patient a few weeks ago as he was trying to decide whether to pursue more treatment with little to no chance of survival, or to go home and spend quality time with family. I told him about my life list (and why I started it), and told him that sometimes miracles are not a cure, but just being able to live life to a degree you never imagined was possible. He decided to take his son home, and they are making every minute count.
I don’t know if I would appreciate life more if I worked in healthcare or if I would become desensitized to death. But I’m glad you made a difference in this person’s life and I hope they made wonderful memories in their last days together.
I’ve always told myself the moment I don’t get sad when a child dies I am leaving the medical field. It still pains me, I think I just cope with it better than when I started nursing (I used to hysterically cry in my car and at home…and I still do every once in awhile).
I would say about 80% of the people I work with are “living life to the fullest” type of people. Pretty neat to be surrounded by the positivity despite the circumstances of our job.
I’m so sorry about all your recent losses. I agree that life is fleeting and it’s best to do whatever you want to do sooner than putting it off for later cos you never know what will happen.
It’s a lovely way to honor those who have passed by living your life to the fullest. Be brave!
Don’t mind at all. Thanks for sharing and I wish you continued success as you continue to take on that list!
Bummer of a post…kind of. But unfortunately I think it takes something like this – or the passing of a loved one – to wake us up to the fact that we are not invincible. The one true regret in life is not being able to see that the time you have is finite until its too late. Too often I see older individuals trying to catch up on what they want to do too late in life. Its actually kind of necessary to have a wake up call like this post once in a while.
I actually appreciate this post very much. They say every negative brings a positive, and in this case you are absolutely right; the passing of a dear one makes us reflect upon our life goals and accomplishments. Good Post.
IMO, one can 1) choose to bury one’s head in the sand each day and hope that everything works out, 2) plod through a predictable, nothing-ever-changes life, or 3) try something new whenever and wherever possible by getting outside one’s comfort zone. Whether you put these things on a list or not, you’re choosing to live a life worth living and I admire that about you. Keep it up! You’ll continue to be glad you did.
You’re right. You don’t necessarily have to sit down and write up a list. As long as you have the motivation and interest in living life to it’s fullest, that’s all that matters.
It’s not a bummer post at all! I think it’s really important to want to have meaning in our lives & to want to accomplish things. Doing it through lists isn’t a bad idea, and I feel like as I get older that will become more important for me too. That being said, I am sorry for all those funerals. I’ve been to quite a few myself and I just hate it so much. It’s so scary.
I liked this post-not a bummer post at all. Death is a reminder our loved ones give us to live our best life.
I’ve been struggling with the reality of my own mortality for a little over a year now. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about my eventual death. It scares the shit out of me but also gives me an appreciation for every moment I’m here to breathe, to feel and hear and see the majesty of this wonderful and crazy planet. Thanks for the post!
Just want to say thanks to everyone for chiming in. I like that we have a little group that all see the value of life and appreciate it as the gift that it is, rather than take it for granted.
There is no shame in this post, it’s human. Working through extreme emotions is what makes us human. This is a great post and wow, you were married? You look so young.
First, I’m very sorry to hear about your recent losses. One is hard enough, let alone multiple losses in so short a time.
Your right–life is such a gift with so many opportunities to broaden our horizons and enrich the way we understand the world around us. For years and years my in-laws have worked jobs they hate in a town they hate even more. They spend most of their free time in front of the TV. They’re lovely people, and I love them dearly, but dear God I hope my life never comes to that.
I’m so glad you wrote about this…I think a lot as well about life being fleeting. I see it every day as I watch my daughter grow. I have friends who lost parents FAR too early in life. As you said, there are no guarantees. For Christmas I got my daughter, my man and myself each a little plaque…. Hers says “Dare to dream big”. His “Making memories”. Mine “Slow down and enjoy life”. I think each of them speaks to our unique way of how we want to absorb life and reminds us to live life fully…
My husband and I were just talking about that yesterday. It used to be we went to several weddings a year. Now it’s mostly funerals. Four in the last six months, and one pending.
Most everyone is married now, except a few. I’m mostly in babyland right now. But that’s life-affirming: when one dies, another is born.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through so many funerals in such a short time. But I agree completely with your post. Very inspirational.
I can imagine how going to that many funerals would make you think about your life list. I started thinking about the things on mine as I was reading this and how important it is for me to do as many of them sooner rather than later. Sometimes it is good to remind yourself that you only have a finite time on this planet.
Yeah, I’m guilty of sometimes thinking that I’ll live forever…or that at least have a lot of time to get things done. Which makes me feel guilty when I’m just sitting around goofing off when I could be doing something of significance…but you can’t be marking things off the list every minute! Gotta have some down time too!
I’ve thought about putting an “official” list together for a long time. Your post is inspiring me to put pen to paper…
I had heard about this a few weeks ago but could never find the comments link. This is a thread from Reddit. The thread began as an IamA/AMA (“I Am a [blank], ask me anything…”) where a pseudonymous poster (‘lucidendings’) described having only 51 hours to live due to a long battle with cancer and having chosen to die under Oregon’s Death With Dignity Act.
http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/fy6yz/51_hours_left_to_live/
If you follow the thread, you see that it’s mostly positive thoughts and you’ll see a community of people gathering together to help make this person’s last moments on Earth special.
There’s the user-generated map featuring warm, heart-felt messages from across the globe. There’s the flurry of people attempting to stream the sun rising in Key West as it was identified by lucidending’s as a favorite moment in life.
Not many of us will know the time we’ll die like this person. So maybe it’s just best to live like it will be tomorrow, just in case.